And through it, I learned a lot about myself. I hadn’t accepted it as depression because it was so much milder than what I had experienced during the time I was stuck in wyoming. I just took it as a state of sadness, but looking back I realize that it was depression.
Now I’ve been looking at why I’ve been feeling so much better this semester and also why I’ve been doing better in class!
Of course having someone to provide support is good (my woman) but I also wonder if it has to do with the fact that I wasn’t reading much fiction, and I’m not sure I watched a whole movie throughout most of last semester. I wasn’t watching TV shows either. I wonder if that element made it harder for me to be happy too.
Always exposed to the truth, and the truth is usually cold…
- Grover III
I’ve learned this in so many different aspects of my life. I’m trying to find a way to apply this knowledge to my life. Let’s hope it works
I appreciate that I’ve been able to live so many places, but it gets somewhat frustrating when people ask where I’m from.
I don’t have what I would consider a hometown.
I was born in Florida, and stayed there until I was 3 and a half. I have memories from there but I couldn’t tell you where anything is. I’ve never been back there.
I then stayed in Michigan for six months cuz my pops was deployed and my Moms, my little brother, and I stayed with grandparents.
Then at 4, I moved to Okinawa, Japan. It was dope as hell. Lived on an Air Force base out there. I played in the woods and climbed huge stone structures that were in them. They were like mountains. I was within a mile(maybe a couple) of the ocean no matter where I was and I love to swim(haven’t done it in like a year though). But throughout living there, there were always friends moving away to different places, and new friends moving to where I was. That’s how the military is. Everyone is always moving.
I always wanted to go back and visit but when I got older I realized that none of my friends would still be there. It’d be cool to see it again but wouldn’t noone be there. Not my neighbors, probably not even my teachers. Noone would be there.
Then I moved to the 10th circle of hell, also known as Wyoming. You could advertise the state as a theme park by putting a sign saying “Honkeyville” on the state border. I have very few friends there. My immediate family is actually visiting there soon but I’m not rolling with them. This girl who is a sister to me is still there though and I was actually considering rolling down there to see her but that didn’t work out. There are really only a few people there that I would ever like to see again in my life.
And then at 16 I moved out here, to the area right outside of Detroit. I went to a high school where pretty much everybody knew me but that didn’t mean I really had friends.
But since I’ve started college I have more friends than I ever had before, to be honest. It’s amazing to me. I love that I actually have friends where I go to school, it’s incredible.
But in the end, I don’t have a hometown. Home is where the heart is, so I’ll always say home is where my fam is but when it comes down to it fareal fareal, I don’t have a place I can call home.
But I have people I can call home, and I am incredibly grateful for that.
I tried to forgive people. I thought I had forgiven them. I thought I had forgiven them and just taken everything as a lesson..
but instead I was just holding in the anger. Holding it down and away from my conscious but that never meant it wasn’t there.
I need surgery to cut this growth out of me. This anger has been there too long. I had at least thought it had lessened with time, but the fact that I can still get angry about some things tells me otherwise.
I’m trying to be more honest with myself, and admitting this is part of it.
I guess I never truly forgave them, I just let go of the thoughts about the betrayals and spiteful wishes, but that never meant that I truly let go of the anger.
I tried and tried to just let go, but it clung to me like paint, and I’m not sure how to wash it off.
I started bike riding for the first time since I was 15 on Saturday. It’s actually really fun and I don’t have to use my arms barely at all so It’s great for me. I’m trying get back into it, but I can’t remember how to jump over curbs successfully Lml but yeah.
I’m going to start waking up at 6, write some poetry, then go for a 30min-1 hour bike ride every morning. I think that’ll make all my days better.